August 3, 2007 - Friday
The Thrill of the Unknown
Current mood: contemplative

Just FYI - this is a "think as I go" subject - no confirmed decisions or opinions, just random thoughts.
I guess you could label me as a closet-thrill-seeker. I mean, I don't secretly want to jump out of a plane or walk a tightrope, but I do enjoy the unknown. A rollercaoster, a different dish, an unfamiliar direction or meeting a stranger. Trying to understand what is ahead is what I do on a daily basis. But the fact of the matter is that if I knew what was ahead, life would be boring to me.
Now that I am thinking more deeply about the issue, I guess my real excitement with the unknown is that I know that G-d has everything under control and I just get excited to see how He's gonna work it all out. There are so many unknowns in my future right now, but I am secure in the fact that it will all be as it should be - a plan for my existence and maturity.
The negative part to this is that I get a thrill from the mystery, but once the mystery has become mundane - or if it has resolved into plain information - I get tired of it and many times leave it behind. This really makes it difficult in relationships. When a person is new or unknown to me, I get a thrill out of "figuring them out." But once I have a grasp on who they are, I tend to lose interest. (This is a horrible realization considering it leaves no room for a person's own revival.)
It's a good thing that I can't completely understand G-d - He keeps my attention. In the meanwhile, I have to remind myself that people are important, whether I understand them or not. And that mystery still lies in those of us who desire and seek after change in ourselves.
In theory then, if I give up on changing myself for the better, people might just give up on me and vice versa. And, if I remember that people are ever-changing, I can still seek out the thrill of getting to know them on a daily basis. If I get bored with people, I am not allowing them the possibility of change, and hence, the possibility of maturity.
I guess I am working this out in my own brain for the following reasons:
1. I stop showing true interest and love - am distracted from commitment - to those who I "know the best" who show love and commitment to me
2. I underestimate people's ability to change and mature
3. I'm sidetracked by people who are a mystery to me and I spend more time involved with them (even if only mentally) than with the people G-d has put in my life on a daily basis
So, I love the unknown, and it's good that there is some mystery to life...it's also good that G-d is omniscient and omnipotent...and ALL people, especially the everday ones, are worth the commitment to love and try to understand, even if it takes a lifetime.