August 15, 2007 - Wednesday
Esperanca
Current mood: tired

It's funny when we actually get to a point in life where we realize we are really living on hope. When we don't know what is ahead, but we DO know that if we are going to survive, it will be by G-d's grace alone. I've been there so many times, and I find myself there once again.
I've been preparing fundraising letters for our mission trip next summer to the amazon. The amount needed seems outrageous to me even though I know where each cent will be spent. And, now is the worst part of all...the waiting.
In English, we mean very different things when we say "hope," "wish," and "wait." But in Portuguese, it is all the same - esperar. You can be "esperando" for someone to show up. You can "esperar" for a good outcome to a game. You can even have an "esperanca" that one day you will be a millionnaire. But it is all the same...waiting, hoping, wishing.
Hava goes to sleep pretty much on her own now, but that is after a little bit of crying. So, to help her soothe herself, I let her go to sleep with her bear/blanket. It is a small fuzzy blanket that has a bear head on it, arms and legs and even a cute little bear booty on the back. But every time I leave her room, I have to make sure I keep listening to the monitor for the moment she stops crying because it will be one of two things - she will either have drifted off to sleepytown, or she will have suffocated with the bear blanket.
So...I wait....I hope....and I run in her room when I realize it is silent. Until now, my wish and my hope that she is ok has been granted. (And of course, I take the bear our of the crib.) But the waiting is still part of the game.
Logically,it makes no sense to have faith in something you cannot prove. I can't prove that Hava will be ok every night. But I believe she will by G-d's grace. And what is faith if not the wish during the wait of the hope?
So, I hope we will find our funds for our mission trip (and for our family ministry), I wish we could do it very quickly, but I'll wait...........
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for,
and certain of what we do not see.
Heb. 11:1