REMEMBERED OR FORGOTTEN
I love movies. No, really, I LOVE them. I love the escape from "real life," I love the comparisons with my reality, I love the problems needing resolutions. I love that within a span of about 2 hours, you can "get to know" someone, grow to "care" about them and see yourself in their every move.
I just have two problems with movies...one is, I just can't walk away from them. When a movie is over, I am still there, in the moment, thinking, feeling, drawing my own conclusions. I can be moved to tears, to anger, or to a gut-busting belly laugh. And I just can't walk away from it. I can't leave it behind. For at least a few more moments, maybe hours, maybe days - I am still in that moment. I can't forget.
My second problem with them is that as much as they try to include the "entirety" of a life in 2 hours - that's impossible. Real-life laughter is much dorkier. Real-life cry sessions last for hours and days. Real-life sadness can span generations. Real-life love faces daily battles of fidelity and perseverance. The incredible nature of life itself is not in the marking moments, but the daily dedication to existing for a purpose. A movie cannot do a life justice.
And now I am here. The movie is over, the 2 lovers have found sweet peace in each other's arms and the credits roll. But I am here. Left in the movie of my life. And the 2 hours never end....sometimes it seems like the boring part is lasting for days or months. The funny part doesn't last long enough and wasn't nearly as quick-witted. Or the sad part doesn't have an immediate answer to the pain. The painful part is hidden in daily activities. The things to be remembered are so easily forgotten. And I wake up, and start the script again.
So let's say someone one day many many years from now has the ridiculous idea of making a 2-hour movie of my life. A real movie. Honestly, who would want to watch that? And even if they did - you know, let's just say for criticism's sake - wouldn't they forget it as soon as the theatre exit doors opened? Is my life forgettable? Are my experiences just random occurrences that I happened to be there for? Or is it possible that I created my life - I created my opportunities? And therefor, if my life is forgettable, have I made it that way?
In one sense, I don't want to be remembered. May HE who lives in me be remembered. But for His name's sake, what am I doing so that He is recognized? Is it really prudent to live a life so easily forgettable? Was I created to NOT make an impact? Is the reason for my existence to fade into the woodwork?
I sit here in the late evening/early morning hours longing for my movie to be memorable. If it provokes emotion, if it provokes controversy, if it provokes solutions, if it provokes changes - at least it would be doing something. I feel like I am sitting here living just because that's my job...I want to live, not so that people can watch a movie about me. But I want to live to make an impact - on whoever that impact needs to be made. I will try to be quick-witted, I will try to have intelligent replies, I will try to be lovely, to be open, to be vulnerable - I can try. I just can't promise you that I will be interesting.
So, here's an idea: watch the movie for the unseen Character. He's here. He's much more intelligent, quick-witted, lovely, open and interesting than all of Hollywood put together. If my life is to serve a purpose, may it be for the purpose for which I was created and not for my own purposes. May He mold me and manipulate me to accomplish the goal He has in mind. There's a movie for you. A person, not living for themselves or anyone else, but living for their Creator - being a tool, a vehicle for the unseen. A forgettable main character with a memorable existence. May it be, and forever so.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Saturday, January 12, 2008
MIGRAINES
Those of you who have them, no explanation is necessary. Those of you who don't - here's a brief description:
*throbbing head pain
*incredible sensitivity to light
*ANY noise is TOO MUCH
*nausea, nausea and more NAUSEA (sometimes accompanied by actual vomiting)
*hot/cold/hot/cold within seconds
*total body pain (like the flu)
What gets me is that no matter how much it is explained, those who don't have them still refer to migraines as "headaches." They are SO NOT headaches. But if you don't have them, I guess it doesn't make any difference. We all tend to analyze what we don't know by comparing it with what we do know.
So, I had a migraine today. I am one of those people who have had them since back BEFORE there were OTC migraine remedies. So, I remember vividly the days of long, countless hours - sometimes days - in the dark, with a wet towel on my head in complete silence waiting for the anguish to give up - even if just a little.
Now, thanks to Excedrin Migraine, in 30 min. I am almost back to new again. I know, I sound like a commercial. But, it is incredible. Anyway, I don't want to write to advocate one med or another. I just wanted to figure out what G-D wanted me to learn through this...through these.
I guess what hits home the most with me is that I tend to think I can understand someone when they are telling me about their life, their problems, or their situations. Then I immediately try to think of something to help remedy their problems. The fact of the matter is, unless I have personally been through it, how can I really UNDERSTAND another person's experience? Everyone has their own path, their own experiences and who am I to doubt that or to be arrogant enough to think I have seen it all? It gives me a new perspective on compassion....I can't be compassionate because I necessarily identify with their situation, but because I validate their experience and I value them as a person.
So, yeah...migraines....they stink! :o)
Those of you who have them, no explanation is necessary. Those of you who don't - here's a brief description:
*throbbing head pain
*incredible sensitivity to light
*ANY noise is TOO MUCH
*nausea, nausea and more NAUSEA (sometimes accompanied by actual vomiting)
*hot/cold/hot/cold within seconds
*total body pain (like the flu)
What gets me is that no matter how much it is explained, those who don't have them still refer to migraines as "headaches." They are SO NOT headaches. But if you don't have them, I guess it doesn't make any difference. We all tend to analyze what we don't know by comparing it with what we do know.
So, I had a migraine today. I am one of those people who have had them since back BEFORE there were OTC migraine remedies. So, I remember vividly the days of long, countless hours - sometimes days - in the dark, with a wet towel on my head in complete silence waiting for the anguish to give up - even if just a little.
Now, thanks to Excedrin Migraine, in 30 min. I am almost back to new again. I know, I sound like a commercial. But, it is incredible. Anyway, I don't want to write to advocate one med or another. I just wanted to figure out what G-D wanted me to learn through this...through these.
I guess what hits home the most with me is that I tend to think I can understand someone when they are telling me about their life, their problems, or their situations. Then I immediately try to think of something to help remedy their problems. The fact of the matter is, unless I have personally been through it, how can I really UNDERSTAND another person's experience? Everyone has their own path, their own experiences and who am I to doubt that or to be arrogant enough to think I have seen it all? It gives me a new perspective on compassion....I can't be compassionate because I necessarily identify with their situation, but because I validate their experience and I value them as a person.
So, yeah...migraines....they stink! :o)
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
YET AGAIN
Do you remember a while back when I wrote about facing a battle? Yeah, I've been facing a giant - yet again. And the funny thing is, at the beginning - when the giant first shows up, there's this outrageous fear and trembling that happens within me. Then, when I get a bit of my sense back, I realize that the trepidation comes from myself. The enemy doesn't make me fearful, I do that alone. So, I just try my best to "suck it up." And at that same moment, I am able to see the true size of the giant - he is nothing compared to my G-D. If I truly trust in the all-powerful, all-present, and all-knowing Creator, the only fear and trembling that I should have is that which belongs to Him. The battle becomes simple, not easy, but simple: I believe, HE conquers and the enemy fails - yet again, and may it always be!
Do you remember a while back when I wrote about facing a battle? Yeah, I've been facing a giant - yet again. And the funny thing is, at the beginning - when the giant first shows up, there's this outrageous fear and trembling that happens within me. Then, when I get a bit of my sense back, I realize that the trepidation comes from myself. The enemy doesn't make me fearful, I do that alone. So, I just try my best to "suck it up." And at that same moment, I am able to see the true size of the giant - he is nothing compared to my G-D. If I truly trust in the all-powerful, all-present, and all-knowing Creator, the only fear and trembling that I should have is that which belongs to Him. The battle becomes simple, not easy, but simple: I believe, HE conquers and the enemy fails - yet again, and may it always be!
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